this is going nowhere......

feeling very low ever since thursday night....

the reason is very obvious....
i had expected things to go this way but what i didn't anticipate was my reactions to the news.

*****

the feeling is like how bella was when edward left her. i am nothing but a hollow shell... i can't feel anything. hunger, pain....
the feeling is similar to the time when i found out cy's new bf last dec...

no....

wait........

i think its feels worse.

even when my old frens have no time for me, i still can turn to my sis or even s.

******

if i ever have the chance to turn back time, i would choose not to lie to u abt my feelings. i get kind of green eye when i see u joke ard with him.
i would choose not to say that my feelings for u have faded. i want to keep u by my side.
i would choose not to show u a "black face" and ignore u for so long. i wanted to sort my own thoughts abt u, to make sure it wasn't just infatuation.

******

a fren noted in a coversation we had quite sometime ago. whenever i speak of cy, my brows would be knitted. like i am in pain. but when i speak of s, the corner of my lips would involuntary point skywards. i didn't realise this myself. but i kind of like it.

****

i miss u but i think i have to leave coz i cannot bear to see things unfold right in front of me.
i would choose not to let mislead u.